godly friendships

my cravings for closer godly friendships surfaced when i experienced community with those from my bible study group. i had been attending for years but it wasn't until i put effort into sharing my vulnerabilities that i began to see the importance of surrounding myself with other believers.

being intentional with friendships that mattered is something i place on my priority list, most especially with girlfriends. their is a sense of accountability that is unique when god is at the center of the bond. it challenges you, encourages you, & moves you out of your comfort zone according to his word.

while i feel it is important to have deep, authentic, meaningful friendships regardless of who is at the core of our beliefs, more & more i find myself desiring godly friendships & community. god answered my prayers when he reunited me with an old elementary school friend who i kept in touch with during junior high but lost contact with in our high school & our college years. social media re-connected us. we bonded over our love for crafts. one day we had a sweet reunion when i visited her in SF. we both came to know that we were no longer active in the catholic faith of our childhood upbringing but rekindled our love for jesus within the christian faith.  just a few months later i found out i was pregnant & she has been such a source of wisdom & guidance for me during my pregnancy. during the month i juggled 2 jobs & was to tired to go home, she let me take naps at her house. she sent me off with crackers to keep nausea at bay on my commute's home. she's a wealth of advice about what i "really" need as far as mommy gear. she encourages me when i have doubts if i will be a wonderful mother. she reminds me of god's calling. its a friendship that draws me closer to him & keeps me connected with god. i'm thankful for my answered prayer.

heart check

she spoke life giving words & prayed for me during seasons of extreme discouragement. she left a life restlenses & financial comfort to seek gods calling through an intensive 9 month christian centered mentoring & leadership training. what a true inspiration! she's become my mentor & im so thankful god made our paths cross. im thankful for this spiritual relationship that allows me to grow stronger in god's word. 

since coming back from her training, we have our almost weekly dates. sometimes we meet for coffee. sometimes we take nature walks. we check in with one another, pray over each other, & have "heart checks." is our heart aligned with our god given purpose? how's our heart feeling today & how can we better serve each other as sisters in christ? she blesses my heart. 

not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, & all the more as you see the day drawing near.   hebrews 10:25

one month married dinner!

the hubby & i decided to celebrate our one monthaversary dinner at wayfare tavern. sometimes it just all feels surreal..like im going to burst from all this happiness!

today, i came home from work happy & excited to kiss my husband goodnight. i was off at midnight so even though he was already asleep i kissed him on the cheek & gave him an extra tight hug. ive always been so excited to come home to him but now im ten times giddy! newly wed bliss! im taking it all in..absorbing the goodness of this time in my life.

one month married!

a month ago to date i married my husband. its been pure newywedded bliss since & i'm soaking it all in. thankful. beyond grateful & incredibly blessed.  what will stay etched forever in my memory during this time in our lives is that extra squeeze in our hugs as we hold on to each other a little tighter. i'll never forget the extra tenderness in the words we express to one another & how proudly we both say "husband" or "wife."

everyone has different fairy tales they envision in their lives. ever since i was a little girl mine was my career. i put myself through college & sacrificed greatly for this.  it's been a difficult reality to face that my "happy ending" has not yet come. things don't go exactly as planned no matter how much i prepared. as always, in gods eyes, my timeline is not my lifes plan. hard work doesn't always guarantee the goal i had envisioned would come into fruition. even if its years of dedication. its been a struggle to accept that. i am still working on it. i have to keep putting in work. everyday, i remind myself that gods delays arent his denials.

the past 3 years have been a difficult one. i hit rock bottom. i felt depression like i've never known. i found myself in dark corners & endless pitfalls. god truly humbled & open eyes to realize i cannot do it alone. it is through my weakness that he is slowly strengthening me. it is through casting all my fears & leaning on god that i have learned how much i should depend on him. if theirs on dependable person in this world who won't fail me, it is god.

my husband saw me at my lowest. he wiped away every aching tear. always reassured me i'd have a place to go to. bought me groceries & made sure i ate. held me tightly when i didn't want to get out of bed. he has been such a huge support system & i found myself slowly asking for help. you see, when you've been accustomed to doing things on your own for a very long time its not easy asking for help. it made me feel stupid. i felt foolish. sometimes ashamed. i constantly beat myself up for not being able to provide for myself like i use too. i felt unworthy. still, i was loved despite not loving myself enough.

i truly believe god has his reasons to open certain doors. he also has his reasons to keep certain ones closed. even when i struggle to believe the latter because of my emotions, it doesn't change the fact of "according to gods plan." in his time & only he knows his reasons. in my quest to become an licensed registered nurse & land my first job, he opened the door to a fairy tale i didn't think would happen until years (2-3 years according to my life timeline) later. i was so fixated in my dream fairy tale of a career coming true that i didn't even see the proposal coming. what i didn't see coming turned out to be this huge blessing enveloping me in love. my husband teaches me about self kindness. a gift he reminds me to give myself.

i can't even begin to describe what an incredible journey being engaged was for me, let alone put into words the abundance of pure joy & overwhelming happiness i felt on our wedding day. up until that day on december 7,  i had never felt so much hope & faith not only in love but in life! it gave me a renewed sense of courage that i can tackle what life brings me firstly with god by my side & now an incredible man i get to call my husband!

their are times where i still feel pain in my heart & things are still unresolved but their is also love. a lot of love. an abundantly overflowing love that will only grow stronger, atleast i hope, over the years. love conquers & it is much more powerful than any pain or brokenness we experience in this world.

sometimes, in the middle of an ordinary life god gives you a fairy tale & the things happens not in accordance to your own timeline turn out be the biggest blessings. my husband is my biggest blessing & i'm infinitely grateful.

hello & farewell

a little over a week later, im still feeling quite jet lagged. bed time is in between the hours of 6(am)-8(am) instead of 10(pm)-11(pm). the hubby & i, when we do sleep early, wake up at random hours in the wee morning & their goes our efforts to sleep at a decent time. 

laundry has yet to be folded, were only half way unpacked, things need to go to storage or donation, grocery & meal planning need to commence & none or barely half of it has been done. 

as soon we arrived back from our honeymoon our main priority was spending time with my parents before they were off. my tito & tita hosted a small dinner at their house as both a welcome to the newlyweds & farewell to the retirees.

tito chris made the delicious duck, brussels sprouts, & the dacquoise..oh that chocolate espresso dacquoise it was beyond divine! crispy layers of almond & hazelnut meringue sandwiched in buttercream. it was gone in less than 10 minutes & had all of us wanting more! 

praise god!

today the hubby & i attended our first sunday service of this new year. how fitting that the topic was about "newlyweds." when i am in the presence of people sharing their vulnerable truths i am always so touched & humbled by their bravery to tell their story.

the pastor recalled a story of when he was a newlywed 35 years ago. he shared his anxieties about the role of being a husband in his twenties, with financial struggles, & a baby on the way. we even chuckled when he admitted "i wanted to return my pregnant wife to my father in law. i was so worried about not knowing how to figure all of it out." we left with the affirmation of gods continued prescence in our lives. the sermon, so fitting, of where i am in my life was gift. 

my hopes are that we grow stronger over the years & work hard to keep god as the center in our marriage. 

10 things you think about too often

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

―Albert Einstein

You do know you talk to yourself in your mind all the time, right?

Pretty much every one of us has a non-stop stream of thoughts – a mental monologue – that has a powerful impact on how we feel, how we behave, and how we live our lives.  Too often, this mental monologue consists of unhelpful thoughts that hinder our happiness and effectiveness.

Which is why it’s time to stop thinking about…

1.  Who everyone else wants you to be.

You were born to be you, not who they tell you to be.  You are not here to be perfect; you are here to be true.  Be gentle and kind to your heart and soul.  Accept who you are, where you are, and where you came from.

Don’t make a decision based solely on popularity, or based on what others think is right for you.  Just because others are doing something doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for you.

Listen to your gut.  Now is the moment to follow your intuition and pursue what matters most to you.  Reach deep within yourself and awaken to the purpose that moves you and makes you feel alive.  The world is filled with opportunities to do an infinite number of things, so why not align your efforts with the activities that speak to your soul.

2.  What you don’t have.

Instead of thanking the heavens for two strong legs and a body that’s capable of running and jumping and dancing, lots of people complain about their weight and appearance.

Instead of appreciating that they live in a country that protects their basic human rights and civil liberties, lots of people complain about laws, taxes, and politicians.

Instead of being grateful for the roof they have over their heads, lots of people wish they had a larger house and a fancier car.

Don’t be one of these people.

To witness miracles unfold in your daily life,count your blessings and be thankful for what you DO have.  Lots of people aren’t so lucky. 

3.  What you fear.

As Franklin D. Roosevelt so profoundly said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

That’s the honest truth.  The real thing that keeps you down is fear.  The reason your fears have so much power over you is simply because you give them this power by thinking about them – the worst-case scenario, what you don’t want to happen, etc.

It’s time to take a stand.  It’s time to clear your fears from your thoughts.  It’s time to acknowledge that your fear of grief is far worse than the grief you fear.

4.  Old mistakes.

Why regret?  This moment doesn’t have any mistakes in it yet.  It’s brand new.

You have a choice to make right here, right now.  You can hold onto old mistakes or you can make progress going forward with the new beginning you’ve just been given.

It’s time to be bold.  It’s time to stop reading the previous chapter of your life and start writing the one you’re currently living.  Learn from your old mistakes and march confidently on.  Sure you’ll make new mistakes along the way, but that’s the whole point – you want to learn from new mistakes, not rot alongside old ones.

Living means taking chances that are worth taking and making mistakes that are worth making.  Right now is simply a new chance to get it right, but you have to let go and take this chance.

5.  Old wounds.

You will grow much stronger and find peace once you stop picking at your old wounds.  Consciously replaying a painful memory over and over in your head is self-abuse.  Your past has given you the strength and awareness you have today.  Don’t let it haunt you.  Celebrate it.

Your wounds are your wisdom.  Let them heal.  Let them scar.

In order for this to occur, you must know why you felt the way you did, what you learned from it, and why you no longer need to feel that way.  It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward.

You may carry a small scar with you for the rest of your life.  Realize that this is perfectly OK.  A scar is the effect of healing – it’s what makes you whole again.  

6.  Impressing the wrong people.

You could spend your entire life trying to impress everyone around you.  Of course, it wouldn’t get you very far.

Purposely impressing people is an act that brings nothing but a fleeting ego boost.  Be real instead.  Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.

If you want to impress someone, impress yourself by making progress on something you’re sincerely proud of.  It’s truly amazing what you can accomplish when you aren’t worried about what everyone around you thinks.

7.  Important dreams you aren’t actively pursuing.

The point here is simple:  STOP thinking and START doing.

The road of life is jam packed with dreams that aren’t going anywhere.  Why?  Because the people driving these dreams haven’t started their engines.  So many people endlessly put off until tomorrow what they could do today.  There are literally millions of promising, intelligent people in this world who have no plan at all, who wait for others to drive and steer their lives and their dreams for them.

Having a dream without an action plan is exactly like a beautiful sports car without an engine.  You know what she could do if she could do it, but she can’t.  Turn your dream into an actionable plan and then start executing your plan.  Make no promise for tomorrow when you have the opportunity to make progress today.

8.  The impossible looking aerial view of a big project.

An aerial view of a big project always looks daunting.  But once you break it down into small parts, suddenly it’s no longer a big, impossible project.  It’s simply a bunch of little, achievable ones.

The key is to subdivide a big project into smaller tasks and break each task down further into logical steps for each task.  Thinking about the big picture is important on occasion to keep track of your progress, but on a daily basis you should be focused only on the step you’re taking at the time.

The toughest part is laying out what you actually have to do to get each task done, but it’s worth the time and effort.  By thinking about it, and breaking it down, you’ve already accomplished the hardest part – you’ve built yourself a step-by-step instruction manual for getting the project completed.  

9.  Situations you have zero control over.

Some parts of your life are simply meant to be lived, not controlled.  No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you’re going to be just fine.  Let the things you can’t control, happen.

Spend your thoughts and efforts on controlling what you do have power over, rather than wasting your peace of mind on the uncontrollable.

10.  Another time and place.

Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be.  But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.

The present moment is always filled with wonder.  Right now is a phenomenon.  Right now extraordinary things are happening.  If you are attentive, you will see them.

i received that in my inbox this morning & what a wonderful reminder to start 2014 by being in the present moment as much as possible! 

thanksgiving 2013

my efforts to sleep are proving to be futile as im up an hour after since my last post. i got to scrolling through my photos & noticed most of my home cooking photos are absent. i had hoped to catch up my blog with my cooking adventures but alas those photos are long gone. i made the terrible mistake of switching out of an iphone after the hubs accidentally placed my phone in the washer. thought it might be time to switch to a phone with a bigger screen for my korean dramas. lesson learned to never switch out of the intuitive smartness & simplicity of an iphone for customizable features (i hardly used them). i came across several problems with my samsung S4 after having had it only for only 4 months. i switched back. 

while aimlessly scrolling through my photos i came across thanksgiving pictures. my contribution this year was a cambodian noodle dish i learned from a friends sister. i had it at their family party & couldn't enough of it. it was my second time making it & it proved to be a success based on opinions at our thanksgiving gathering. 

i started by soaking peppers in water to soften them for the dressing. it looks like it may cause high levels of spiciness but on the contrary it only adds flavor. those who weren't fond of spicy foods couldn't detect it, so it was safe for all to eat.

 i transported the different elements of my crispy noodle cambodian salad separately so that it remained crunchy until it was ready for serving. 

arrived & everyone had a huge feast! so very thankful to be able to eat an abundance good food with good people! we feasted on the traditional turkey, honeybaked ham, cranberry sauce, pancit, lumpia, & crabs to name a few of the deliciousness that lay before my eyes. a filipino/american menu is always a winner in my book during the holidays! 

thanksgiving

part of thanksgiving day fun is the traditional pre-celebration with the bf that i always look forward to. this year we visited a place both he & i haven't been to since high school. we picked up iced mint mojitos & climbed our way up the rock to enjoy this breath taking view.

after, we got a bit of exercise before heading to have dinner. it was a small celebration with tons of yummy food. I made jalepeno cheddar bacon corn bread & bacon deviled eggs.

team us

we were on our way to a baptism when we had one of our more serious conversations in the car. "you shouldn't be anxious, you should be excited," he said enthusiastically. our future is bright & each year we've been together it truly gets better & better. throughout the decade we've been together ive seen our relationship overcome its fair share of challenges. no relationship is perfect & mine certainly isnt but with each challenge therein lies the opportunity to refine our problem solving skills as a couple. we've been one another's rock, cheerleader, & constant source of encouragement.

we are also each others support system as we go through our own personal struggles. he's assuaged my self doubts & is my reminder to keep trying & to never give up. he has been my shoulder to cry on during times of disappointment & is my gentle reminder to not be so hard on myself. it's been a tad bit difficult to hold my head up high as i continue to walk on this road i set upon years ago, in order to accomplish my dream career, but his positive thoughts in spite of feeling discouraged are my little rays of hope to keep going.

it's a great feeling having my boyfriend as one of my best friends. i was never that girl to believe prince charming was a prerequisite to happiness but having him in my life all these years (firstly as a friend & now as a boyfriend) has added a sense of richness i never expected to have. im thankful. we have each others back. our future is bright & im hopeful.

april shower me with your love

one of the closest people to me got married last saturday. i cannot begin to describe how it feels to stand beside a dear girlfriend whom you are proud & thankful to have in your life simply because of the person they are. i felt truly honored to be part of her special day.

one look at each other, when i entered her bridal suite, & tears welled up in our eyes. she took my breath away. she was stunningly gorgeous, well poised, & graceful. her wedding is another shiny memory that i have managed to add on my list of fun filled memories for 2012.

rain come down

it's been pouring rain the last few days with thunderstorms late last night & im loving it! ive been staying warm in my toes socks & heaping cups of hot chocolate & tea. im thankful for this wonderful cozy weather!

on work

the quiet in my car was solace away from beeping iv's machines, phones ringing, & constant alarm of the ekg monitor. today was just one of those days where everything seemed to happen all at once including two code blue's resulting in the death of a patient while a few doors down their was an accidental fall of another patient. regardless of how rough & hectic a shift gets im blessed to be in a line of work that's preparing me for when something better comes along.

attitude of gratitude

1) this weeks rainy weather

2) grandpa's health that's slowly stabilizing

3) solitude of my room

4) my amazing but busy manager

5) turkish coffee ice cream